Gexx in Knoxville

This blog is about Gexx, in Knoxville

welcoming me back

Posted by Gexx on August 2, 2008

I don’t have the internet at my house just now. I will, I swear. My grandfather is insisting on it. I’m not totally sure what to think of this, but he’s giving me money for an internet connection. I really don’t want to accept it. It’s not the “I have standards” thing. I just feel horrible taking people’s money. It makes me feel like a failure, that I can’t support myself. I always want to. That is why I always felt so odd when Aaron would insist on us going out, but I would say “I can’t afford it,” and he would say he would pay. That is why I always stressed cooking for him (and his friends) whenever I could, asking what he would want. It was my way of balancing the resource-karma that flowed around us.

But for now I’m trying to get a little back into this slice-of-life / soapbox journal that I call a blog.

I’ve been a little angsty lately, and I hope that everyone, including me, will forgive me. It’s not just about boys, I swear. There’s some money problems, I think I’ll work that out. I need some time for that. I’ll just have to take out loans this year and be very careful with the cash. There’s also some medical things, beyond just the general maintaining a static level of health. I’m not quite ready to talk about them just yet, and I might not ever want to. Hopefully when it all plays out there’s nothing left to talk about.

I won’t deny, however, that a certain male has been burrowing into my worries.

Wednesday, I got back from work a little late, and I was exhausted. Therefor, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I got home locked the door (so I thought) and turned off all the lights except for the one next to my bed (so I thought) and then got ready for bed. I normally leave the light on in the bathroom, as that’s where the litter box is, and I don’t want to make it any more difficult than I must for the cats to shit on target. I read about 5 pages in my book and realized that it just wasn’t happening, so I turned off the light. I noted (so I thought) how dark it was without the bathroom light – which meant without ANY light. My house is so small that any light is noticable in any room. I woke up again in the middle of the night, stumbling to the bathroom without any light. I wish I noticed what time it was, but as I fell asleep by 10, it was probibly sometime between midnight and 2. The next morning I wake up and stumble around, I was late so the sun was already up. I pulled on clothes, did the bathroom thing in the dusk, and walked into my living room where

the light was on.

My living room light is a dimmer switch by my front door. It creeped me out, and I checked my door. The chain was in place, but the locks were undone. Now, I’ve gone and occasionally, very occasionally, when I’m dead tired, forget to lock both the door knob and the deadbolt, but ALWAYS when I come in the house, the doorknob gets locked automatically on closing the door. It’s just part of the motion: open, swap hand to other side, close door, as hand leaves door give the lock switch a twist. But the previous night I was carrying… something… ::thinks:: I had a load of books from my car. So I kicked the door shut so the cats wouldn’t get out. So, it was locked by just the chain all night. The chain allows the door to open up a good 5 inches, but (true to the concept) if one attempts to undo the chain, it can only be done when the door is fully closed.

I spend the day telling myself that I’m paranoid, that I was so tired I didn’t notice the little bit of light in the evening. But, it wasn’t a little bit of light. It was the ceiling light fully turned on.

I try to figure out who would do this, if I was correct in the lights being off when I went to sleep. Perhaps I did it in my sleep? Aaron turned off the air conditioner once in his sleep. But I’ve never done anything like that that I know of. Plus, I believe that drinking was involved in his instance.

In the two years I’ve lived in this house, I’ve never had a problem with people trying to break in. I’ve had some solicitors who were overly aggressive, and that’s it’s own BlogTherapy session, but even when my brother left the back door totally unlocked before a weekend in Georgia for a wedding, there was never a problem. I leave stuff on my front porch for weeks on end, and nothing is ever touched.

Up until this break up. A keeps showing up. But, it was Wednesday night, he’s supposed to be in Cookeville, as he’s working in Xville and living at his dad’s. Right? It bugs me all day Thursday, and with my other angsting, I call up A’s sis-in-law C, partially for affirmation that he wasn’t in town, partially to ask her how she can be such a stable, self assured individual… I was angsting really really bad and needed some advice. I had talked myself to the point where I realized that I just wasn’t getting anything. Partially, also, to see if she was going to go see SotS on Satureve. Well, she was busy with a bunch of people (or was this when it went to non-voice mail, I had called her earlier in the week about the SotS thing and one or the other happened so I needed to call her back about it anyways). So I went to bed, trying to convince myself that I was mistaken. I somehow manage to sleep, I don’t know how, smaller things have left me sleepless for weeks. And on Friday I go, get my hair done, and call C again, leaving a voice mail at this time, and she calls me back, a little rushed.

Then she started talking about how A was such an arse on Wednesday night when they were cleaning out his Knoxville apartment. I check that yes, it was Wednesday night. That he had left said apartment at early morning hours and headed out to get some sleep. I tell C about my discovery in the morning, and she pointed out the one thing that made me actually think it was possible: he has very “delicate” arms, turning on my light would not be a problem. Also, he’s been odd, looking for reasons to show up… toilet paper my arse.

Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but it had me rather creeped out. It’s good to know that he really has no reason to be in Knoxville anymore except for visiting his brother, who knows and (as far as I’ve gathered from N and C (and A and M and J)) is very discouraging of him bothering me… for all of our sakes.


One Response to “welcoming me back”

  1. Betel said

    so creepy! maybe you have a poltergeist?

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